Torben Turns One!

I have been so sad lately. I didn’t allow myself to plan a first birthday party for Torben because I would have felt worse to cancel one. I know he doesn’t know the difference. But as of Thursday last week, I was so anxious about getting the house cleaned and finding a gift for him that I couldn’t even force myself to get up and start.

I have made it no secret that I deal with PPD. Things have gotten a lot easier. And even though 2020 has been pretty crazy, it doesn’t compare to the year TJ and I had in 2019.

I read about the impossible task a few months ago and it really resonated. It’s something that feels so overwhelming to start that it seems impossible. It’s easier to avoid it. It weighs on you. It felt so heavy I didn’t want to move.

Whats my impossible task? My house. Cleaning this house. Especially if the kids are around. And believe me. I love them. But they have been around for 11 long weeks. We couldn’t take them anywhere. COVID has me anxious about leaving the house, worried I’ll unnecessarily get the kids sick. There was mess piled on top of mess. Even if I cleaned something, within minutes all my work was undone. If I put toys away, they would sneak right back out behind me.

I love my kids. But until Adelei started talking about Torbens birthday, I hadn’t planned a thing. She told me she wanted a party hat. Then later, cake. Icing. Ice cream. She even put in a request for a dinosaur balloon.

Tj and I went shopping for his gifts and some supplies on Saturday while the kids went to their Grandma and Pappys house. Adelei was so excited that she wanted to find her shoes as soon as I told her, never mind that she was still in her jammies.

We did not find the trampoline that we were looking for, blaming it on the pandemic. But we did pick up some small things. We came home and I started working on my impossible task. Tj and his dad worked on the porch.

It may not have been the big party we would have loved to host. The house certainly wasn’t spotless. But Torben had a birthday and Adelei got the party she requested for him.